2001: In Review - By Greg "sgoast" Reynolds |------------------------------------------------| | Disclaimer: | | I have absolutely no connection to any of the | | people that make the animes in this story | | therefore I would be quite pleased if I wasn't | | sued. Yes, that'd be nice. "Tenchi" and all of | | its characters are trademarked and so don't go | | talking smack about 'em or else! Hehe ^_^ | |------------------------------------------------| 2001: In Review Our Panel: Kiyone Gene Spike Washu Meilin Jim K- Hello and welcome to "2001: In Review" Where the the sgoast nations' writer's favorite anime characters look back and reflect at the passing year. I've been chosen to moderate due to my excellent performance in "Kiyone Meets the Law." G- Yeah right, your only moderating cause you're banging the boss. K- *kicks Gene* No i'm not!!! We're just friends! I've told you that a thousand times! G- Call a bear a rabbit, its still a bear. K- You're on thin ice, Mr. Starwind. Just wanted you to know that. By the way, who chose you to be here anyway? G- Gobuzz. He sent me here just to piss you and goasty-boy off. *evil laughter* K- Ok... anyway lets go through everyone else to find out who was assigned by who. W- Duh. J- Midnight Ryoko sent me here as a birthday present for Bad Kitty. W- She would have preferred you there in person. J- Oh, No! My ribs still hurt from the last time I saw her! S- Flounder assigned me here. I hear he's got a Cowboy Bebop fic in production. K- Not bloody likely. M- And I... I got lost. They told me they had an empty chair and so i thought it might be fun to sit in the audience. I guess I was wrong... S- About the audience part or the fun part? M- Both. K- Anyway, lets get started! First of all, this year there was an event that changed all our lives. Of course i'm talking about... (Stagehand walks on stage, whispers in Kiyones's ear) Stagehand- Out of respect for the passed away, we aren't going to talk about the terrorist attacks. K- But every event in the last three months have been caused by the terrorist attacks! SH- Sorry Kiyone, but 9-11 is a no-no. (walks offstage) K- (Sighs) ...Adult Swim. Yeah.. That life changing event was adult swim. S- It was for me. Now I got myself a timeslot! W- At what price though? M- Plus, it wasn't that good of a timeslot. G- Also, alot of stuff was edited out. J- And you were sandwiched in between UPN rejects and "Midnight Black and White". K- And after the 2nd week, they stopped showing it for another 2 weeks! W- Hell, they even refused to play a few episodes for "questionable content" G- Or "sexual inapropriatness" K- Or it being "too violent during current world events" J- Or... S- SHUT UP! OK! OK! I GOT A CRAPPY SPOT ON CARTOON NETWORK! YOU HAPPY? Everyone else- Yes. (Smiles) K- Well, as much as we like to beat on it, it does represent a milestone in adult animation in the USA. W- Why dont they put uncut "Tenchi" on the show? G- Cause barely anything is cut out. Now "Outlaw Star" on the other hand is full of edits. I mean they even cut a full episode! M- We cut out a reference to the toliet once. (Everyone stares at her. Crickets can be heard) M- Eheh...heh...heh (Uncomfortably) K- Now if only Turner would set up a uncut anime channel. G- Sounds good to me. K- That doesn't mean continuous showings of "La Blue Girl". G- Damn. But its still a good idea. I'd love to see uncut Trigun on basic cable. M- Nah, I'd like to see Love Hina or Ranma 1/2. W- How about Eatman? J- Washu, are you ok? W- Uhhh... Maybe? K- Let's move on to some non-anime subjects. Chandra Levy. G- Sleezy politician has under the table "relations" with an intern. Where have I heard that before? J- Hey! This is totally different. This isn't about the relations, it's about the fact that she might have been murdered! M- Am I old enough to hear this? K- Go sit in the corner, Meilin. M- Ok... (sits) G- Billy boy did quite a few questionable things too, you know. The only difference is that he was high profile enough to hide his personal life. J- You're only down on Clinton since Bush started acting like he knew what he was doing. G- Yeah, I trust that guy. It's like i'm the president. (Everyone else shivers in disgust) S- Well, I guess that counts as another subject. George W. Bush was sworn in as our 44th president just weeks after Bill Clinton pardoned a convicted felon for tax fraud. Nothing like the political system to shake you up to a point of disbelief. W- Did Clinton take money to give him a pardon? Where is Chandra? Is George done watching "Rugrats"? Next time on "As the Limbaugh Turns". K- And thats how this year in politics was up to September 11th. A big soap opera. Who was cheating on who? Who was being the bad guy? Who was doing illegal things behind the public's back? Now the main problem in politics is a small white powder called Anthrax J- And he scariest part of the Anthrax attacks is that the wack-job doing this might be based here in America. G- Ship him out when we find him. All the girls- Who said it's a he? G- (hides) S- That brings up another point. Discrimination suits have been rising considerably in the last year. M- Good for us! It's time us ladies fought back against all you sexist males. J- Isn't that statment sexist itself? M- Eeep. G- Well I think that they're going overboard. When did the fact that a girl looks nice become a dirty thing? J- Gene, the way you put it is almost always sexist. K- In fact, i'm surprised you haven't been sued yet. G- The wonders of animation, Kiyone, the wonders of animation... W- When it comes to suing, this has practically been the year of the lawsuit. Alot of celebrities have been in court lately. David Grohl from the Foo Fighters, Oprah, Marylin Manson, ODB... G- Excuse me? W- You know, that rapper whose full name I can't mention in front of the kids. G- Oh yeah... J- Alot of music quarrels this year, The two remaining members of Nirvana are in court with Courtney Love over the rights to a bunch of unreleased material. The two want to release a box set. She wants to sell it for crack money. S- Kurt Cobain has got to be rolling in his grave. K- And who could forget that wacky Marylin Manson. He's gotten himself in trouble twice so far by simulating sex on top of a crowd controlling guard's head. G- Sounds like fun. M- And the wheel keeps on turning in music swapping news. With Napster now officially a piece of crap, users are switching to different services like Morphis, Aimster, and Kazaa. So in the great wisdom of the RIAA, they've done what they always done when a new form of fan service comes along. Everyone- Sue the bastard into the ground! W- Yup, and tons of recording industry tools are jumping onboard the gravy train. G- It's amazing how "anti-corporate" you can be one moment, and be such a hypocrite the next. Big example is Metallica. K- Oh, but Metallica's escapades in hypocrisy is old news! They been hit in the gut twice with the exit of Jason Newstead, to lead singer James Hetfield's trip to rehab. All is not well in Metalliland. W- Rehab... we all know where this is leading. K- Another person who has been spending plenty of time there is Mariah Carey. Apparently she's been suffering from "exhaustion" and so she's been taking it a bit easily lately. G- (coughs) Whitney Houston! (coughs) K- Heh heh, though there were some terrible losses this year. J- A rising star and a living legend left us this year. R&B singstress Aaliyah died in a tragic plane crash after filming her video for "Rock the Boat". W- Punk revolutionary Joey Ramone passed away. M- And George Harrison, also known as the quiet beatle, passed away after a long bout with cancer. (moment of silence) K- Moving on, in the movie industry. Gladator walked out with the oscar for best movie. G- And deservedly so. I love a movie where heads literally roll... plus it had an pretty good plot too. J- But why were you taking notes through the movie? G- Heheh, You know why Melfina has been calling me "Maximus" lately? J- OH GAWD! (Runs out of the room) K- oook... Two new films based on cult followed books were released later in the year. The first harry potter movie and the first lord of the rings movie. W- Now I haven't seen Lotr yet... G- Lotr? We speak english here Washu. W- Lord of the rings, you dolt. I haven't seen it yet, but I have seen the Harry Potter one, and I am really mad about how they butchered it! I mean the book clearly stated that Harry met Draco in a store before hogwarts, NOT LIKE IN THE MOVIE! Plus Fluffy was displayed all wrong, and... M- Washu! Chill! Its just a movie! W- (gasps for air) No... Not... Movie... Life... Its...Life!!!! S- (smacks washu) W- OW!... thanks. S- No problem. K- One movie that strangly didn't disapoint those who saw it was Shrek. For a movie with so many product indorsements, it turned out great. I was surpirised! M- You know what did disapoint me? JP3. G- GAH! Too many abreviations! M- Jurassic Park 3, Gene. It wasn't as bad as the second one... S- Nothing could be. M- But it just lacked something... G- Yeah, A lawyer getting eaten on the toilet. W- Gene! G- I'm telling the truth! Look at this! (Takes out a chart) Lawyer geting eaten on toilet, funny. Funny, box office hit! That's why im suggesting to Bandai that they put a doomed lawyer in every episode. Although the cost of port-o-pottys would be immessurable... J- (Walks back looking ill) Gene, you rat ba... G- Maximus. (smiles at Jim) J- AGH! (Runs out again) G- Hehehe... K- Lets move on to technology... M and W- Gamecube! S and G- X-Box! Everyone but K- DIE! (Attacks each other) K- And I thought the sub-dub wars were bad... Personally, I like the PS2. Everyone but K- (Pauses and looks at K) Uh... (sits down) K- What? Everyone but K- ... K- What!?! Stone Cold- (walks on stage) Don't steal my catchphrases. (smacks her in the forhead) K- OW! What was that for!?! YOU AREN'T EVEN AN ANIME CHARACTER YOU STEROID BOUND FREAK! SC- (stops) What? K- (freezes in fear) Nothing. Nothing. W- Well that made almost no sence. K- And I think thats about it. 2001 was a really crappy year here in America. Recession, Depression... S- Errosion, explosions... G- Too much fear, too much beer... M- Disbelief, empty relief... W- Change, derange... J- (walks on) I think I just lost breakfast... G- Thanks for killing the mood Jim! K- Well, Anyway, we shouldn't be scared though. We should do everything we did do before this year. We need to travel, spend, send mail, and most of all, trust our government. W- Lots of us take our freedom of speech for granted. The freedom to verbally abuse and taunt the people that represent us are taken to a new high each day. And at this time we need figures follow. S- They may mess up at times, but we have to remember, they are human. We shouldn't let them infringe the laws that we have to follow but we do need to see that sometimes people make mistakes J- *coughs* Palm Beach! *coughs* M- (kicks Jim) Shhh! G- (Camera pans to Gene) Uh... I wasn't paying attention. Were we talking about Jennifer Lopez? (Everyone sighs) K- Basically, what we're trying to say is that America has gone through periods like this before and has gotten out just fine. So dont worry. Terrorism will be scarce again. Money will be plentiful again. Life will be normal again. Just give it time. I'm Kiyone. Good night and god bless america.