Ani-Loveline - By Greg "sgoast" Reynolds |------------------------------------------------| | Disclaimer: | | I have absolutely no connection to Pioneer or | | any of the people that make "Tenchi Muyo!" or | | any of the anime or real people in this story, | | therefore I would be quite pleased if I wasn't | | sued. Yes, that'd be nice. "Tenchi" and all of | | its characters are trademarked and so don't go | | talking smack about 'em or else! Hehe ^_^ | |------------------------------------------------| (Editor's Note: For those poor souls that haven't heard of "Loveline", it's a radio talk show featuring Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Pinski. They deal with love, sex, and all that naughty stuff. Now what would happen if your favorite anime characters had a little *Cough* personal troubles and decided to go to Dr. Drew and Adam for advice...) *Loveline theme plays* Adam: Hey Everybody, it's time for Ani-loveline. I'm Adam Corolla and over there is Dr. Drew Pinski. Drew: Hi. Adam: ...Aren't you the little beacon of excitement tonight, Drew? Drew: I'm still mad at you Adam... Adam: Hey! It isn't my fault that Ryo-ohki (Yesterday's Special Guest) hadn't been fed. Drew: But you could have known the vibrater left by Jimmy wasn't a carrot! We're still cleaning her off the wall! Adam: Uh, yeah... what ever... well, since we dont have a guest tonight. Let's get straight to the phones. *Click* Adam: Fred from Sentinal III, you're on ani-loveline. Fred: HIII! Love the show. Especially you, drew... Drew: Uh yeah... Adam: Whats your question, Fred? Fred: Well, See, I have a friend, but i'd like to have to have him be more than a friend. MUCH more than a friend. Adam: Hold on, why dont you just ask her out on a date? Fred: Her? Drew and Adam: Oooooh... That kinda friend. Are you sure he's gay. Fred: (Pause) Absolutely. Drew: Then why dont you just ask him. Fred: I HAVE! Gene just pushes me aside! He's so busy with Melfina, Aisha, Suzuka, and Jim. I think he may have emotions towards one of them. Adam: Melfina? Fred: Jim. Adam: Ugh... There's something wrong with this Gene guy. Three women living with him and he doesn't even make any sort of sexual push. Jeez... Drew: Adam, its kind of like when a child gets a toy. Gene may have enjoyed it at once but now its just... boring. Fred? Fred: Yes? Adam: Buy a beer and put on a dress. Next Caller! *Click* Drew: Krillin from earth, You're on Ani-Loveline. Krillin: Hello? I've got a question. Adam: ...and we might have an answer. Whats your problem? Krillin: I've been dating someone for a year now, and we both have agreed to... *uncomfortable laugh* Anyway, I might have a problem. Drew: How so? Krillin: I dont know exactly where "it" would happen... Adam: Oh gawd... Listen kid, its not our job to teach you about the birds and bees. Krillin: No! No! I know where it is normally but... She isn't "normal". She's an android. Drew: What? Adam: Wrong show, Krillin. Car talk is on A.M. Radio. Next Caller. *Click* Drew: Duo from America, You're on Ani-loveline Duo: Hi, long time listener, first time caller. Adam! You rock man! Adam: Duh. Duo: My problem is that me and a few people I know have been hanging out for a long time. Each of us seem to get these "Classifications"... Drew: "Classifications"? Duo: Yeah! Since i look good in black, my friends always think im "goth"! Drew: Dont they know there's more to goth than black clothes? Adam: Yeah, selfishness. Duo: Im sure they know. In fact i try to smile as much as often but they never pay any attenion! Sometimes they make me so f... Adam: HEY! NO CURSING, DUMBASS! Next Caller. *Click* Drew: Ryouga from Tokyo, You're on ani-loveline. Ryouga: Ani-Loveline? Finally! I kept calling the grocery store...BUT ANYWAY! I have a problem... Adam: ...and that would be? Ryouga: Well...there's this girl...her name is Akane. She's the most wonderful thing a guy could want, but a lot of times gets treated bitterly. I love her with all of my heart...but...but...she's engaged to that fool Ranma Saotome! I hate his guts for taking my Akane! *Growls in anger* Adam: Hey! Im not asking for your life story! What's your question? Ryouga: Wha? Oh, sorry...um, well, how do you think I could get Akane from the clutches of her stupid fiance? Drew: First of all, do you really care for this girl? Ryouga: YES! I wish for no other girl. She's the greatest. Drew: Well, dont you think that she's happy with her fiance? Otherwise she wouldn't be his fiance. Ryouga: No! You see, Ranma and Akane's fathers arranged for them to get married! They were forced into it! And everyday, sweet Akane is angry with Ranma for various reasons...I can't blame her either! Adam: Couples fight, genius. Ryouga: But, I would never fight with Akane! No, I would always agree with her, so that she would never be angry with me, unlike HIM! Adam: Ah, the innocence of youth... Now, see. If you we're to agree with everything she said, what would happen when you wanted to see different movies? Ryouga: I would go along with her choice. Adam: Different Resturants? Ryouga: Same answer. Adam: ...and what if she "wasn't in the mood"? Ryouga: ...eep. Adam: See, being all sensitive and crap only takes you so far. You just need a less needy girl, Ryouga. And if all else fails, just bang her at a party when she's drunk. Next Caller? *Click* Drew: Umi from Tokyo, You're on ani-loveline. Umi: Well about fricken time! The stupid thing's been busy for hours! Adam: Woah! A spicy one! Whats your question Umi? Umi: I wanna know why I can't keep a boyfriend! Is there something wrong with me? Adam: Yes. Drew: ADAM! Adam: Well, are you ugly or something? Umi: HEY I'M NOT CALLING HERE FOR YOU TO TELL ME I HAVE PROBLEMS! Adam: Excuse me? Umi: Um... just gimmie advice. Drew: I sense alot of anger... Could that be a reason? Umi: Anger? What are ya talking about? Of course that can't be the reason! Adam: Right. Maybe if you didn't scream so much, the guys around you wouldn't be so disgusted! Umi: But... Adam: No! Umi: Thats not fair! WAAAAAAAH! Drew: Just relax Umi! Umi: *sniffles* Adam: Grrr.... You busy tomarrow night? Umi: Uh...I don't think so. Adam: I guess you're way too picky then... Next Caller. Umi: HEY THATS... *click* Drew: One more call, Adam. Adam: Thank Gawd... May I stress to the people that call in, DON'T MATE! Thank you. Drew: Michelle from Tokyo... Adam: Hold on... whats with all these tokyoians? Drew: I don't know. I think we're popular there. Adam: Yeah, we have SIX listeners there. Drew: Michelle from Tokyo, You're on loveline. Michelle: Hello Adam, hello Drew. Drew: Hi. Adam: Heya. Michelle: Yeah...hi.. Adam: You got a question? Michelle: Well....what would you do if your girlfriend...erm...cousin...was seeing another woman? Adam: Cousins? What's the big deal about that? Michelle: Yes...cousins...well...my cousin Amara is cheating on...someone...with this girl... Drew: Have you told her your opinons on this? Michelle: Well she's hardly ever home....the bed is lonely now... Adam: You and your cousin sleep in the same bed? Michelle: Well...um...we don't have to buy another bed that way. Adam: Riiiight.... Drew: You're gay, aren't you? Michelle: What??? Drew: We're not that dumb, Michelle. Adam: *Burps* Drew: Im not that dumb. Michelle: Well I never. Adam: Yeah, thats why your a lesbian! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Michelle: *cries* I AM NOT! I could go either way! *mails a deep submerge to adam* Adam: ARG! *gets shot out of the studio* Michelle: Hmph Drew: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Hopefully we will have scraped up enough of Adam for him to host tomarrow. See you then. (The End)