Anime Commercials Director: Ok everyone, settle down! We have commercials to shoot and I want to get them over with! Now, what's first? Some guy named Bobby Jean: Um....its a makeup commercial. Director: Ok! Action! *Faye walks on* Faye: Makeup isn't everything... *Spike walks by holding a sign that says "Subliminal message alert!"* Faye: But it sure is nice. Spike: *sign* Don't listen! You'll end up with 15 jars of olives, an empty cheese wiz can and a sock full of jellybeans! Faye: That's why I use new NobodyCouldCareLess lip color! Spike: *sign* Good God man! Are you still watching this?? She'll come to your house and shave your parrot just before she makes your bunny slippers into balaclavas for your cats! Faye: Okay, that's it! *turns around and slaps Spike just as the picture freezes like a photograph* Director: Oy....let's just continue shall we? Umi: Hi! MY name is Umi Ryuuzaki and I'm the owner of Ryuuzaki Mallets Inc.! At my factory we manufacture premium quality mallets for fwapping small anime creatures. *Hikaru tests out a mallet on Artemis while Fuu repeatedly beats a Pikachu* Umi: With the original concept of pummeling Mokona, Ryuuzaki Mallets Inc. have expanded our horizons to every anime creature imaginable, and we soon will have our Big-Friggin-Mallet available in stores! *twirls a mallet around and accidently lets go, breaking the camera* Oops.... Director: Argh! You people! Honestly! Grrr....ok, next! *everyone sits waiting* Director: NEXT!!! *a muffled yell is heard along with a door slamming and locking. Spike runs onstage grinning oddly* Spike: Yeah um...hi. I'm uh...oh! I'm the spokesperson for BoomBoomKillYouUp Grenades! Now, let me demonstrate! You pick one up like so, pull the pin and throw! *throws the pin* Mr. Smarty Pants Grenade Expert: You're supposed to throw the grenade! Spike: Ah damn. *throws it offstage. It explodes and part of a door falls into view* Uh-oh... Vash: Lock me up and take my commercial will you??? *takes out a gun and chases Spike offstage* Director: .....Next please.....-.- Gene: Hello! I'm Starwind- Jim: And I'm Hawking- Both: Of Starwind and Hawking Enterprises! Jim: We fix everything from tractors to relationships- Gene: So let us help you! Fred: Ooooh! Help meeee! Gene: Um...how about no? *Fred attaches to Gene* Jim: Heehee. He wants to loooove you, he wants to kiiiiiss you, he wants to maaaaaarry you. Gene: Shut up Jim. Jim: He wants to have like 10,000 of your babies. Fred: Is that legal? Gene: Let's not find out. *Vash suddenly runs into view with a stagelight weilding Spike close behind* Vash: Eeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeee!!! Spike: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries! Jim: o.O Gene: o.O Fred: Ooh! o.O fest! Jim: o.O Gene: o.O Fred: o.O Jim: o.O Gene: o.O Fred: o.O Director: Go away now! Jim, Gene and Fred: Awwwww... *they walk of dejected* Director: Now we only have a billion more to go.. Botan: Hello, heehee! Come to Oars 'R' Us! We have a complete selection of top of the line oars! Yusuke: No one cares! Botan: Yes they do! Yusuke: No they don't! They're just a bunch of card board cut-outs! *rips one in 723,962,817,542,613.29713489226 pieces* Botan: You're a big meanie Yusuke! *chases him with an oar* *Spike runs by being chased by Vash in a golf cart* Director: CUT!!!! Bring in that elf-kid guy thing... Link: Pardon you! Director: What? Link: Oh forget it. Ahem...Come on down to Link's Tunic Emporium located in the beautiful Kokiri Forest! Tunics of every size for every one! *a lil sign supported by Keese floats up and deku nuts flash. Vash runs by who is now being chased by Spike who is holding a long wooden sword* Spike: Nice dress kid. Link: IT IS NOT!!! I'm telling! Suzuka: Hey! Come back with my sword! *chases Spike* Link:.... Yusuke: Leave-ow-me-ow-alone!!! OW!!!! *runs by with Botan continuously hitting him with an oar* Botan: Ooh! Look! Pretty dresses! Link: HEY! Botan: *picks up a pink tunic* Oooh! I'm going to buy this one! Link: That's not for sale! *grabs it and hides it* Botan: Hmph. *flies off* Director: Where's my prozac...? Washu: Hi there everyone in T.V land! I'm the great genius Washuuuuuu!!! *A and B dolls clap and throw lil confetties* I have invented a great new toy for your lovable cute little kittie cats! *holds up something cool-like* Let's test it out shall we? Aisha: Mreow! *plays with it* Washu: Success! (DUN DA!) *Suzuka walks by dragging Vash and Spike* Spike: This is all your fault. Vash: Is not. Spike: Is too. Vash: You lie. Spike: Don't. Vash: Do. Spike: Can't prove it. Vash: Could. Spike: Couldn't. Vash: Will. Spike: Won't. Vash: You suck. Spike: No, you suck. Vash: I hate you. Spike: I hate you more. Vash: I hate you most. Suzuka: OK! SHUT UP! Tea: Suzuka! Hast thou forgotten thee? Suzuka: TEA!! Noooooooo!!! *runs in slo-mo* Tea: Suzukaaaaa!! *runs in slo-mo too* *Sappy music plays. Spike looks at Vash. Vash grabs Suzuka's sword and grins. Spike runs* Director *cries* How many more left????? Guy with a dead squirrel in a dress on his head: 5. Director: *crawls under his desk* Aeris: Does your house look dull and boring? Need some life and color? Call Aeris! I can decorate your house with the loveliest of flowers! Cloud: *coughpoisonivycough* Aeris: *ignores Cloud* Very low prices too! Cloud: *as if sneezing* Rip off! Aeris: *chucks a bomb at Cloud* Just remember my name! *smiles* Cloud: Damn, this might hurt...*BOOM* Director: Screw the prozac, give me a Valium. Rini: Come and get the best candy in all of Tokyo at Rini's Sugar Shop! Every sweet imaginable! So why are you waiting? Get down to Rini's Sugar Shop now! *smiles and looks cute* Director: Perfect!! That was PERFECT!!! *kisses Rini's hand* Rini: Yeah, yeah, now pay up. Director: Uh... Rini: $20,000 please. Director: What?? No way! Rini: I'm calling my lawyer! Director: Oh go and call him! *Rini does so* Big Buff lawyer named Leslie: I'm gonna beat you up director man! *Vash and Spike run through pursued by a giant mechanic bunny* Rini: On second thought $20 is fine... *Director pays her* Director: Ok now, let's continue. Zero: No! I refuse! Kizuna: Oh come on! I'll give you a dollar. Zero: No way am I going out there! Kizuna: Yes you are! *shoves Zero into view* Zero: *wearing a large floral hat* Oh the horror.. Kizuna: Isn't he just DARLING in that hat? And you would be too! At Kizuna's Hats you can choose from a lovely selection. Zero: I'm so burning this hat when we're done. Kizuna: Oh you are not! *a random lightning bolt strikes Zero's hat* Zero: Ahh! Help meeeeee! *runs off* Director: Oh why me?? Meilin: Is it our turn? Li: No, so lets go home. Meilin: Oh! It is our turn! Li: Is not... *Meilin drags Li into view* Meilin: Looking for something cute and yellow but don't know where to look? Li: No. Meilin: Well then come to Meilin and Li's Kero shop! Li: Please don't. Meilin: Wall to wall Keros! Li: How embarrassing... Meilin: Don't forget now! Li: Oops, too late. Sakura: Hey! Kero is mine! Meilin: Back off bitch! Sakura: Oh no you didn't! *CAT FIGHT!* Li: Hey, this isn't so bad. *grabs popcorn* Director: Only one more... Rosalyn: Hello everyone! I am the Great Hero Rosalyn! Looking for that special sword are you? Then come to Rosalyn's Rapiers! Perfect for slaying evil kings! Stan: *offstage* Not me! Ha ha ha ha! Rosalyn: You're just a stupid shadow! Stan: You dare talk to Lord Stanely HiHat Trinidad XIV in that manner you big bottomed woman?? Rosalyn: What?? Stan: You heard me fat legs! Rosalyn: What the hell part of me is fat?? You three dimensionally challenged flat butted fake evil king! Stan: WHAT??? Slave! Go over there and set this idiot woman straight! *Ari reluctantly walks over to Rosalyn while Stan thrashes behind him* Ari: He had too many coffees this morning. Stan: Did not! Ari: Can I go now? Stan: Of course not! Remember, I'm your shadow! *Ari steals Rosalyn's pink parasol to block the light over himself* Rosalyn: Eek! Give that baaaaack! Stan: Ha ha! Her Pink shadow is exposed! Neener Neener! *suddenly all the lights in the studio go off and Stan poofs. And there was much rejoicing* Everyone: Yay. Director: What the hell happened? *Everyone looks over at the lighting table to see a very crispy Vash and Spike while Yusuke dangles from a curtain* Director: That's it, I retire! You people have issues! Everyone: What???_ *everyone chases after the Director with random instruments of pain except for Suzuka and her tea who are making up for lost time* THE END!