The Christmas Cop-Out - By Greg "sgoast" Reynolds


|------------------------------------------------|
| Disclaimer:					 |
| This is an original story, but it does have    |
| connections to various anime. I do not own,    |
| create, or profit from any of the anime        |
| mentioned in this story. Comments or questions |
| may be sent to sgoast@hotmail.com. Now on to   |
| the story!                                     |
|------------------------------------------------|



Sgoast laid passed out on his desk. Christmas was the next day... so 
was his next deadline for a story. Though he did have a story started, 
it wasn't very good and chances said he would dump it anyway. Around 
midnight, Flounder wandered by and noticed the body of Sgoast idlely 
hunkered there.
"Well, he's dead." Flounder thought as he walked in. He then proceeded 
to poke him to make sure. Sgoast groaned. "Guess not. Damn, and I thought 
I wouldn't have to hang around here anymore."
"uuuhhh... What the? Flounder? What are you doing in my office? Don't you 
have dinner at home waiting."
"I did. I ate it four hours ago and came back to pick up some stuff I forgot. 
Why are you here so late?"
"Its not late... Its only 8 o'.. MY GOD! AGH! I HAVE TO GET A STORY DONE 
BY TOMARROW AND THIS PIECE OF CRAP IS ONLY HALF DONE!"
"Why don't you just do a cop-out?"
"What?"
"Its the holiday season, Why not just put a bunch of anime based christmas 
song parodies?"
"That's so cheap, it just might work... Let me try." And so he did.

On The Twelfth Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me:
12 Casters Blasting
11 Gilliams Griping
10 Pirates a-leaping
9 Ladies Dancing (In front of Gene)
8 Mels A-Milking
7 Aishas Swimming
6 Jims Obeying
5 Gold Laylines
4 Calling Fred
3 French Freds
2 Brother McDoug's
And an assasin behind the tree... AGH!!!

"Well that sucked." Sgoast said very unsatisfied.
"Give yourself a break. Try another one. It might be better."

Clef - All right you Knights! Ready to sing your song?
Hikaru - I'll say we are!
Fuu - Yeah!
Hikaru - Let's sing it now!
Clef - Okay, Fuu?
Fuu - Okay!
Clef - Okay, Hikaru?
Hikaru - Okay!
Clef - Okay, Umi? Umi? UMI!
Umi - OKAY!!!
All - Christmas, Christmas time is not far
      Time for armor and time for chars
      We've been good, but we can't last
      Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
      Want my friends or a cute boy's kiss!
Umi - Want a mallet to fwap Mokona with!
All - We can hardly stand the wait
      Please Christmas, don't be late.
Clef - Okay girls get ready. That was very good, Hikaru.
Hikaru - Naturally.
Clef - Very good Fuu.
Fuu - Ahhh.
Clef - Ah, Umi, you were a little flat, watch it. Ah, Umi. Umi. UMI!
Umi - OKAY.
All - Want my friends or a cute boy's kiss!
Umi - I just want Mokona hit!
All - We can hardly stand the wait
      Please Christmas, don't be late.
      We can hardly stand the wait
      Please Christmas, don't be late.
Clef - Very good, girls
Umi - Lets sing it again! Yeah, lets sing it again!
Clef - No, That's enough, lets not overdo it
Hikaru - What do you mean overdo it?
Fuu - We want to sing it again!
Clef - Now wait a minute, girls
Umi - Why can't we sing it again?
(They Chatter)
Clef - Umi, cut that out..Hikaru, just a minute. Fuu will you cut that out? Girls...

Sgoast slapped himself in the forehead "I can't beleive I Just did the Chipmunk 
song..."
"It wasn't that bad. Besides, Third times the charm?"

Tenchi got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from the shrine on Christmas eve. 
You can say there's no such thing as Santa, 
But as for me and Yosho, we believe. 

He'd been drinkin' too much saki, 
And we'd begged him not to go. 
But he'd forgotten his training, 
So she stumbled out the door into the snow. 

When they found him Christmas mornin', 
At the scene of the attack. 
There were hoof prints on his wood sword, 
And incriminatin' Claus marks on his back. 

Now were all so proud of the girls, 
They've been takin' this so well. 
Sasami's cooking dinner
And Ryoko and Aeka are putting each other through... WELL!

It's not Christmas without Tenchi. 
Ryoko actually covered up her back. 
And we just can't help but wonder: 
Should let the girls stay here or send them back? 

Now the unagi's on the table. 
And the pudding made of rice. 
And Kiyone and Mihoshi's blue and silver uniforms, 
That Tenchi would have said were very nice. 

I've warned all the shrines and dojos. 
Better watch out for your pupils. 
They should never give a license, 
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves. 

Tenchi got run over by a reindeer, 
Walkin' home from the shrine, Christmas eve. 
You can say there's no such thing as Santa, 
But as for me and Yosho, we believe.

"Wow... Thats a really morbid song when you look at it...." Sgoast said with wide eyes.
"You know what Goast, you must not be trying."
"OF COURSE I AM!"
"Well what are you going to say to all those cute otakus when they walk out of their rooms
tomarrow morning and check to find no update?"
"I'd think they'd be used to it by now... AND WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A STORY?"
"Thats not the point," Flounder deferred. "Now what are they going to do? They're going 
to go boo-hoo."
"Now your ripping off the Gri... THAT'S IT!"

The Next Morning

"NEW NEWS! 12/25 Well, Its here. My christmas update is up. Click here to see it."

Click.

You're a mean one, Mr. Vicious.
You really are a heel.
You'd kill your partner's girlfriend,
For just a little revenge
Mr. Vicious!

You're a bad blues song
With a sappy extra chord.

You're a monster, Mr. Vicious.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of ideas,
That should have never been unfold.
Mr. Vicious.

I wouldn't touch you, with a 
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mr. Vicious.
You'd never crack a smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a the murderer you are.
Mr. Vicious.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the murderer other than you.

You're a foul one, Mr. Vicious.
You're a nasty syndicate.
Your heart is full of unreached dreams
Your soul is full of hate.
Mr. Vicious.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Lose. Losing. Lost."

Flounder peered at the lyrics. "That was worse than the ones you did before. What makes
this one special?"
"Because I have proper protection this time!" Sgoast said as he ducked into his bunker,
never to return to human civilization again.

The Moral: No One Ever Wins.

The End 

^_^ Have a Depressing Christmas - Sgoast