The Wonderful Bus Tale - By Greg "sgoast" Reynolds


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| Disclaimer:					 |
| This is an original series, but it does have   |
| connections to various anime. I do not own,    |
| create, or profit from any of the anime        |
| mentioned in this story. Comments or questions |
| may be sent to sgoast@hotmail.com. Now on to   |
| the story!                                     |
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My name is Toshitotonami Heronamiramakatikanahiranganaromanjikikapuhamacamaramalamadingdong, 
but my friends call me George. I am what you can call a traveler, seeing as I travel. I can 
think of so many places I have traveled but one comes to mind whenever I think of traveling. 
The travel time traveled by as I traveled that day. Seeing as I have already said "Traveled" 
eight times so far, I'll just get to the damn story.

It was a burning hot December morning (As is the norm where I come from) when I randomly 
decided that I wanted to go to Tokyo. I got so excited that I ran over 15 grandmas on the 
way to the bus station. (A new high score!) They said that all the tickets were sold to the 
bus to France. I then reminded them that I wanted to go to Tokyo.
"Why would you want to go to Tokyo?" The ticket person asked. "France is ever so much better! 
They have cheese and croissants and Jerry Lewis!" I then proceeded to smack his with a trout 
until he gave me my tickets. Then the waiting game began. (Seeing as the dating game ended 
15 minutes ago and the squatting game was only held on Tuesday) I won with a score of 12 
Bazillion points and the only one with a Canadian goose in my back pocket.

We began loading on to the bus one by one. (As the last time they filed in two by two, they 
needed a chainsaw to remove all the stuck passengers in the doorway.) I sat down next to a 
small cat rabbitish type creature. It jumped up and began hissing at me. I began to become 
worried until I noticed that I was sitting on her boyfriend. She continued to hiss at me until 
I threw her out the window. (Giving me the much needed leg room I desired.) Soon after, the 
bus driver got in and announced that he was an ex-kindergarten teacher.
"Ok children! Now lets introduce ourselves, ok? Ok!"
"Hi! I'm Nobiyuki! Who is going to have sex in the bathroom of the bus? I just want to know 
how long of a tape I should put in the camera there!" Half the bus raised their hands.
"Hi! I'm Thundereese and I shall kill you all! I also like knitting."
"Hi, I'm Meryl and this is Milly. We're from the Bernard and Daley Insurance Agency and when 
this bus gets blown to pieces by Vash the Stampede, We'll make sure your carcasses get very 
nice coffins!" The bus patrons cheered in delight.
"Hello sinners! We're Amish!" They were taped to their chairs. (A/N: I know its mean, but its 
not like they'll ever read this anyway.)
"Hello, I am Innova and I am a CROSSDESSER!!!
"I'm Sakuya. Nobody likes me." She was then shot.
"I'm Sakura. Please don't kill me because our names are alike!" She was told to change her 
name to Jill or suffer the consequences. I then got up.
"My name is... uh... (A/N: Damn copy button...) George!" The crowd cheered back.
"HI GEORGE! HOW ARE YOU!?!"
"Fine. How are you?"
"WE'RE OK! WE HAD A BAD WEEKEND, OUR MOTHER IN LAW CAME OVER AND BITCHED ALOT! PLUS WE NOW 
HAVE STOMACH ACHES FROM HER CRAPPY COOKING!"
"Better take out that camera in the bathroom I guess" Nobiyuki sighed.

"Well kids! Who wants to watch some filtered down kiddy crap!" Ash and Misty cheered in the 
back. They were promptly shot. The TV's flickered on as a guy in a dinosaur suit waddled on 
screen.
"Hey kiddies! Who wants to give Barney a hug?"
"Me! Me!" The boy walked up to him and embraced him. "Barney, I hope that's your tail... CLICK!" 
The TVs switched to a different channel.
"Oy! Crikey! Today on Croc Hunter, I will be catching the elusive greyhound! Now what you need 
to remember is that these creatures can be quite dangerous when they reach their top speed! OY! 
Here come one now!" The hunted jumped into the road and attempted to catch it when the feed was 
cut off after a loud "thump" under the bus.
"Hey! We just hit the crocodile hunter!" And there was much rejoicing.
"Yay."
The TVs switched again to MTV, where some boy band danced around and grabbed their collective 
crotches. Everybody was fine until they noticed that they weren't grabbing only their own. They 
all squealed in disgust except for one person.
"It's a feel-good video!" Fred Luo burst out in joy. The channel quickly switched to two men in 
spandex, verbally abusing one another in a gigantic ring while a busty young woman stood in a corner.
"I'll kill you for sleeping with my girlfriend! She's mine! You hear?"
"Yours? No way! I've been wrestling beside her for 3 weeks!, therefore I should be banging her!" 
The girl walked into the middle.
"Does my opinion count here?" Both stared at her in anger.
"NO!"
"I'll kick you!"
"I'll punch you!"
"I'll smack you!"
"I'll bite you!"
"I'll lick you!"
"I'll hug you!"
"I'll kiss you!" and the two embraced each other and skipped to the back, leaving the girl utterly 
confused. Fred jumped up again.
"It's a feel-good ending!" Fred was shot and the TVs were turned off.

Five hours later, the bus arrived in Tokyo just in time for the 4 o'clock Godzilla attack. The bus 
was eaten and everyone died, except for me. You wanna know why? Because I had my tray table up, and 
my seat in the full upright position. I learned that nifty trick from a Weird Al record (Turns out 
that if you play his records backwards, he gives you safety tips.) So now whenever I think about 
traveling, I remember the bus to Tokyo, for it taught me an important lesson. Always take a plane 
because in a bus, its really hard to piss standing up. Thank you for listening.
                     -George

(A/N: Boy that was strange... Anyways, That story came to mind during a 3 hour-long bus trip from 
La Crosse to Madison after seeing my girlfriend. See kiddies? Mountain Dew and rug burns don't mix. ^_^)