'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Told by Gene Starwind


'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
Everyone was stirring, Aisha chasing a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with little care,
In hopes that Saint Fred soon would be there.

The crew of the Outlaw Star was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of dragonite danced in their heads.
And Suzuka in her kimono, Mel in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

When outside there arose such a clatter,
I got really scared and hid from the matter.
Away to my room I flew like a flash,
I tripped over Jim and nearly busted my ass.

The moon shone bright on the new fallen snow,
I was nearly blinded as I looked down below.
When what to my watering eyes should appear,
But a rather pink sled and rainbow reindeer.

With a disco-decked driver, I started to dread,
I knew in a moment it had to be Fred.
More rapid that eagles his poor reindeer came,
He whistled and shouted and called them by name.

"Now Fruity, now Princess now Diva and Loopy!
On Angel on Sweetums, Bob and Lucy!"
Up the porch he ran and tried the wall,
Lucky ol' me was there to break his fall.

After getting a ladder he went up high,
It looked as though he'd gone through the sky.
So up to the roof Freddy Claus flew,
Dragging some stuff and his reindeer too.

And then a loud noise was heard on the roof,
The frantic escaping of each little hoof,
I looked down at Jim and then turned around,
For Fred had fallen down the chimney with a bound.

He was dressed all in sequins from his head to his foot,
He squealed at the fact that it was clashing with soot.
A big ass bag he flung on his back,
He looked like a dumbass with a big backpack.

Aisha came running acting rather merry,
Then started teasing Fred about being a cherry.
Suzuka came tying her sash in a bow,
She pointed out that Fred was dragging in snow.

Fred looked at Suzu and gritted his teeth,
And began to threaten her with a rather large wreath.
Then he stood on a table, with a hand near his belly,
And shouted "Are you ready for this jelly?!?"

I sat there thinking odd thoughts to myself,
I thought that Fred looked like a diseased elf.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Filled me with an awful feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word and went straight to his work,
I looked at him and thought "He's such a jerk!"
He turned to leave, granted was my wish,
But just then, he turned and blew me a kiss.

He skipped to his sleigh, to his team gave a yell,
And away he flew, flying like hell.
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"GENE I LOVE YOU, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!"